dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
