I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
