Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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