You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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