i don't like sucking hair
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
