I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
