Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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