i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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