it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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