I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
