I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
