Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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