we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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