Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
