"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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