im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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