I want to walk on stilts...naked
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
