I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
