well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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