so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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