new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
