they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
