I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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