forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
