This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
