I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
