Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
