That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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