I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
