are you still at the devil's house?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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