My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
