need another drink. this is the easiest way
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
