Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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