is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
