Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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