It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
