K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
