I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
