How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
