Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
