trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
