you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Please don't give away my fajitas
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
