You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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