Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
