You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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