I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How does one acquire holy water?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
