i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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