Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
