we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
