I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
