This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
