I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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