rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
