its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
