Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!

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(304): View more from West Virginia

tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out

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(352): View more from Florida

I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.

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If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(360): View more from Washington

Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.

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(002): View more from

There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.

(580): View more from Oklahoma

I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.

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(248): View more from Michigan

No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same

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