So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.