we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.