you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal