The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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