Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
