I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
