We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
