Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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