to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
