Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
