in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
