yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
