Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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